Hay House Radio Episode Recap
- Episode Name: “Your Relationships & Your Health”
- Live Broadcast: September 12th, 2017 at 3:00 pm Pacific Time
Episode Summary Re-cap
Studies show that the health of your relationship has a bigger effect on the state of your physical and emotional health than your genes. Find out why! Relationship Expert, Arielle Ford, joins Heather to reveal tips for improving your current relationship or attracting your ideal soulmate at any age!Special Guest: Arielle Ford
Arielle Ford is a leading personality in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. For the past 30 years she has been living, teaching, and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is a celebrated love and relationship expert, speaker, and is the co-creator and co-host of Evolving Wisdom’s Art of Love series.
Arielle is a gifted writer and the author of eleven books including her the international bestseller, THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction (published in 21 languages and 40 countries). She has also written many groundbreaking books including her most recent, a transformational coloring book Inkspirations Love by Design as well as Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate: A Practical Guide To Happily Ever After and Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships. She has been called “The Cupid of Consciousness” and “The Fairy Godmother of Love.”
A long-time “Student of Love,” Arielle regularly presents workshops around the world including England, Germany, Italy, Mexico, Kuwait, Canada, Romania, Ireland, Austria and Bali as well as personal growth centers such as Omega Institute, Kripalu, The Chopra Center, Esalen, Alternatives in London, AwesomenessFest, Celebrate Your Life, and many other prestigious venues. She has appeared on many national TV and radio shows including Today Show, CNN, Fox News and more.
She lives in La Jolla, CA with her husband/soulmate, Brian Hilliard and their feline friends.
Your Relationships and Your Health
Everyone seems to be looking for it: a soulmate, the perfect relationship…”the one.” If you look at the statistics, they may seem grim. Recently, I was at a Native American Nutrition conference and one of the PhD researchers said something interesting – “oftentimes, the data doesn’t tell the full story.” Because data often ignores the storyteller; the people behind the data. So before we throw in the towel, saying that relationships don’t last, or it’s too hard to find a soulmate after the age of 40, or 50, or 60…let’s go behind the data and learn about why relationships matter, why the people in them matter, and how to make them work.
Interestingly, studies show that the health of your relationship is one of those lifestyle aspects that has an epigenetic effect. Love and Relationship Expert, Arielle Ford, joins me to reveal tips for improving your current relationship or attracting your ideal soulmate at any age!
7 Soulmate Secrets for Finding and Improving Your Relationship
Arielle Ford says, “Big love is possible for anyone, at any age, if you’re willing to prepare yourself to become a magnet for love.”
#1 – Change Your Thoughts About Relationships
Do you believe that you’ll never find your soulmate? That you’re too old or it’s too hard to meet people? If you’re in a relationship, do you feel like it’s too much work or that it’s too late for you and your spouse to fix things? When it comes to finding or improving your relationship, the first thing that has to change is the way you think. Just as Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer taught us, what you put out, you get back. If you don’t believe you’ll find your soulmate or that you can turn your current mate into your soulmate, you probably won’t.
If you are looking for a soulmate, practice believing he or she is out there and also looking for you! You don’t have to know how you will find your soulmate, you only have to be ready, open and willing to love. And if you are in a long-term relationship, it’s not unusual to feel as if the magic is over. Most of us have been taught that chemistry is all that matters. This is so far from the truth! In fact, chemistry is the least important compared to what makes a relationship truly last:
- Shared vision
When it comes to improving your relationship, it’s important to let go of the fairy tale and look at what’s really going on. When you first fall in love, your brain is full of chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin that create that initial swoon. Eventually, these chemicals regulate, while cortisol (the stress hormone) rises, making you feels as if the “magic” has gone and leaving frustration in its place. Once you understand this, the real relationship can begin! As you focus on your own journey of wholeness and work on the aspects of relationship that matter most, you may find that your mate turns into your soulmate.
More than anything else, Arielle recommends making your relationship – finding one or improving one – a spiritual practice. Light a candle, pray to God, ask your ancestors for support. Pay attention to it as you would your spiritual practice and allow that to guide your thoughts and beliefs.
#2 – Toxic Relationships Are Not Part of This Conversation
If you find yourself in a relationship that involves narcissism, addiction, abuse or a toxic situation, seek counseling as these tips do not address those situations.
#3 – There Is No Such Thing As “The One”
There is no one perfect person out there. You have many opportunities to find a soulmate, however. A soulmate is someone you feel safe being yourself with; someone you feel physically and emotionally at home with. This means you can have many soulmates, from friends, to pets, to children, siblings and, yes, a romantic partner.
Here’s something to keep in mind: while the divorce rate is 50% in first marriages, the divorce rate is 64% in second marriages and 73% in third marriages! This is a good indication that changing partners does not solve the perceived “relationship problem.” Instead, if we recognize that we can change our thoughts and approach to relationships, we have a better chance of success!
#4 – Take a Note From Quantum Science
Quantum science tells us that there’s a universal field of energy that connects everyone and everything. Regardless of past or future, this field connects us. If you apply quantum science to finding your soulmate, you would trust that you and your soulmate are already connected. Use this process to get out of your head and into your heart. Remind yourself that what you have asked for is already yours in the quantum field. Consider this when it comes to improving your current relationship as well. What you seek is already yours.
#5 – Get Clear About What You Want
Law of Attraction 101 includes getting clear about what you are seeking. What is it that you really want in a mate? Write it down. Find out what is most important to you. Arielle described how she took this even further by getting clear on 3 must haves and 3 deal breakers. As an example, she described her 3 must haves as: generosity, loving adventure travel, and being family oriented. Her 3 deal breakers in a mate were: addiction (or a toxic relationship involving narcissism or abuse), a bad relationship with his mother, and someone who wasn’t socially conscious (empathetic). The more clear you are, the easier it is to find your soulmate.
#6 – Take Action!
Make your relationship a daily commitment, whether you are seeking one or improving your current relationship. While we hear many people grumble that “it’s too hard,” think about that statement. You might think the same thing about getting a new job or starting an exercise routine. And yet, if you don’t go through the steps, you won’t get those results. Anything worthwhile, whether it’s your spiritual practice, a health routine, a career, and your relationship, takes daily focus to make it work.
If you’re looking for a relationship, Arielle recommends online dating wholeheartedly. See her tips below to keep online dating safe, effective, and fun.
When you go on a first date, Arielle recommends that you don’t treat it as an interrogation. Instead, talk to your date like you would a passenger next to you on an airplane. Rather than grilling them, keep it light and fun. Get to know them and take it slow, keeping an open mind. Because men can shut down a bit when nervous, she recommends giving them a second chance if the date was so-so and you didn’t dislike anything about them. The second date could be a lot better as he gets more comfortable.
When it comes to your current relationship, something you can do every day is skillful communication. Arielle gave us a couple of examples when it comes to arguments or complaints.
Complaints: Let’s say you have a complaint that your spouse never takes out the trash and you’re constantly asking him to do it. You may ask yourself, “why doesn’t he just do what I ask?” Here’s the tip: the next time he takes out the trash, even if you had to ask him fifteen times, give him a big hug and say, “You are my hero. Thank you so much for taking out the trash. I love it when you do that because it makes me feel like a queen not to have to be near that stinky trash.” Then give him a kiss and walk away. Men love to be your hero. They love to fix things for you and they love when you’re happy!
Arguments: In another scenario, let’s say your spouse says something about you in front of others that is really embarrassing or upsetting. You could make a scene right there or get into an argument on the way home. However, instead, Arielle recommends taking time to calm yourself, going to bed, and then the next day, saying, “I have a problem that I’d like your help with. Can we go for a walk for 10 minutes so you can help me with it?” When you go for the walk, say, “I know you didn’t do this on purpose, but last night, when you said a, b, c (insert what he said), it made me feel x, y, z (insert how you felt).” Then stop and don’t say anything, letting him respond. Chances are, he will apologize because he never meant to make you feel that way. This allows you to have a conversation in a way that he can really hear you and how you feel. It’s conversations like these that bring about change in a positive manner.
#7 – Speak Up
Ask for what you want instead of expecting him to just “know.” If there is something you really want, ask for it. Don’t expect your significant other to just know what you need, otherwise, your needs may not be met. Often, when you expect he or she should just “know” what you want, it sets the stage for disappointment. Asking for help or speaking up may make you feel vulnerable and this is okay. Part of turning your mate into your soulmate is feeling comfortable being vulnerable.
7 Practical Tips for Keeping Online Dating Safe, Fun and Effective
If you’ve tried online dating before and didn’t have great results, these tips will help you forget the past and start fresh with new, effective techniques! Maybe you’ve never tried online dating because it didn’t feel safe. Here are some tips to keep things safe, effective, and fun.
#1 – Just Do It!
Online dating is easier than you think and it’s effective. In fact, 1 in 3 marriages result from meeting online. This doesn’t mean you won’t have a lot of bad first dates, but there are things you can do to make the process more fun and efficient.
#2 – Age Is Not an Issue
Statistics show that women over 50 are finding the most success with online dating. What makes them successful? They don’t wait for the men to reach out to them, they do the reaching out, and it’s working!
#3 – Make It a Daily Commitment
Set a time period, say 30 minutes, and focus a little bit each day.
#4 – Focus on Safety
Many people worry about sharing their identity online for all the obvious reasons. Here are some tips with your safety in mind.
- Create a nickname. You don’t have to use your real name on the online dating site.
- Create a new e-mail that you use only for online dating.
- Get a free Google phone number under your nickname, that is not associated with your other numbers.
- Use a picture that can’t be found elsewhere online. Since people can find pictures in searches, use photos that are not posted anywhere else online, so that it won’t be connected with your identity. When you choose pictures for your profile, the most successful pictures are those where your face takes up less than 1/3 of the total picture. Pictures should not include kids or pets.
#5 – Be Clear and Specific in Your Profile
Make sure to clarify exactly what you are looking for (e.g., marriage, committed relationship, just dating?). Also, include what you would bring to a relationship.
#6 – Do the Reaching Out
Don’t just wait for the man to come to you. Reach out in a fun, lighthearted way. Arielle calls this “dropping a hankie.” For example, if you see that he loves Sammy’s pizza, write him a short, one sentence note that says, “I love Sammy’s pizza too, I think we could be pizza soulmates.” That’s it! Then see if anything comes of it. Have fun with this.
#7- Have Short Phone Conversations Before a Date, but NEVER Text
Having short phone conversations allows you to see if you really connect with someone before going out on a date. Texting is completely different though because while flirtation can happen by text, it’s very difficult to really get to know someone. You can save a lot of wasted time by avoiding texting, unless it’s to say that you’re running late for the date.
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Tune in Next Week
Tune in next week to Loving Yourself to Great Health, when Anne Wilson Schaef joins me to talk about addiction. Learn how to spot addictive systems in society and discover tips for breaking free from addiction.
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