What Are We Afraid Of?

Hay House Radio Episode Recap

  • Episode Name: “What Are We Afraid Of?”
  • Live Broadcast: May 23rd, 2016 at 3:00 pm Pacific Time

Episode Replays: Mondays at 11:00 pm Pacific Time / 2:00 am Eastern Time and Sundays at 2:00 pm Pacific Time / 5:00 pm Eastern Time

Episode Summary Re-cap

We often fear anything that leads to loss, endings or death. How can we learn to be comfortable with endings and uncertainty? How do we let go and find the healing in the midst of loss?

david kessler

Special Guest: David Kessler – David is one of the world’s foremost experts on healing and loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life.

He is the author of five bestselling books, including the newly released You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After Breakup, Divorce or Death with Louise Hay. He co-authored two bestsellers with the legendary Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: On Grief and Grieving and Life Lessons. His first book, The Needs of the Dying, a #1 best-selling hospice book, received praise by Mother Teresa. His services have been used by Elizabeth Taylor, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Marianne Williamson when their loved ones faced life-challenging illnesses. He also worked with late actors Anthony Perkins and Michael Landon. David’s work has been featured on CNN, NBC, Fox, PBS, and Dr Oz. David is a contributing writer for Oprah.com, Dr. Oz’s Sharecare.com, Anderson Cooper 360 and The Huffington Post

 grief.com | davidkessler.org | Facebook

Tips for Finding Peace With Loss & Uncertainty

Empowering Yourself with Doctors and Hospitals

  • Your doctor works for you – Remember that your doctor works for you. If you don’t feel supported by your doctor, choose another one.
  • Unfortunately, superficial things matter in hospitals – The hospital system is superficial and things like how you dress matter. You will likely get better treatment if you are dressed well.
  • Own your power – Hospitals and medicine often seem like a train you get on and just do as you’re told. However,  you have the power to push back on things you question or don’t agree about. For example, if the doctor keeps requesting multiple MRIs, you can ask about the consequences of all that radiation and make a different decision.
  • Form a community – Ask for help from the people around you. Gather friends and family to cover visits with your loved one at the hospital. Find that type A friend or family member who loves to organize things and ask them to make a schedule and organize everyone.

Tips for Embracing Uncertainty, Feeling and Healing

Allowing Grief to Move Through You
  • Don’t attend the funeral early – Even if death, loss of an aspect of your health or an ending is inevitable, avoid worrying and immersing yourself in negative thoughts or fears that you project in the future. Instead of scaring yourself with “what if’s,” see if you can stay in the moment.
  • Give yourself permission to grieve – Give your sadness it’s due and remember, the way you grieve may look very different from the way someone else does. Grieve in your own way, there are no rules.
  • Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional – Pain is a normal result of a loss, but suffering is when you get attached to the pain and keep it alive. Focus on feeling the pain and allowing it to move through you without holding on to it. One way to do this is to recognize that if there is grief, the is also love. What if you focused on the love? See what happens if you notice where your focus is and shift your focus to the energy of love.
  • You have to feel to heal – We must feel our emotions in order to let them go. This is how we heal. Here’s a quote from you may find helpful:

“There are so many unexperienced griefs in the closed heart, but in the broken heart, they are set free.”

– Gangagi

  • If you feel like you can’t let go of the grief, there may be underlying issues to address – Grief is normal, but if you feel like it’s never-ending, it could be a symptom of underlying issues that are coming up to be addressed. For example, if you’ve felt abandoned in the past, this loss could bring it back up as an opportunity for you to finally let it go. It might help to view seemingly unending grief as a symptom and then ask your body, what is this symptom here to tell me? Your inner wisdom will speak to you if you continue to ask yourself what the message is. Here are some affirmations from You Can Heal Your Heart for a loss that brings up abandonment issues:

No one can truly abandon me but me.
I am always here for myself.
The Universe loves and cares for me.
Who I am is beyond betrayal.
I am willing to forgive.

  • Remember your power – If you feel like you’ve lost your power, focus on feeling it come back within you. If you’ve suffered a loss, you are still perfect, whole and complete. Remind yourself of this, if you feel like you’ve lost your power or if you feel like a victim. As Louise Hay always says, “It’s only a thought and a thought can be changed.”

Focus on Love

At the Hayride Reunion in 2013, Louise Hay, David Kessler, Marianne Williamson and others got together to celebrate the work they did during the AIDS crisis in the 1980’s. At a time when everything was in chaos around a highly feared and seemingly incurable disease, they found a way to bring love into the conversation. David got up on stage and said: “When everyone else took a step back, Louise Hay took a step forward.” Louise’s reply that day was: “I didn’t know that else to do, so I focused on love and that made all the difference.” This is what You Can Heal Your Heart is all about. How to bring the healing energy of love (the other side of grief) back into the picture so that we can feel safe expressing our emotions, knowing that love can help us heal.

  • You’re not broken – Just because you’ve had a loss or are feeling grief or pain, remember that you are not broken. You are still perfect, whole and complete. Sadness is a natural part of living a full and loving life. Sometimes, with loss and heartbreak, it’s really just about things changing and learning to embrace the process of change. Often, loss and heartbreak gives you a chance to find out how you can be more of who you are. When something breaks, you have the opportunity to change and grow in wonderful ways. See if you can trust the process and trust life to take care of you.
  • Give up ideas about who you “should” be – if you have lost something, it’s not uncommon to wish things were the way they were in the past. However, if you focus on what “should” be instead of what is, it can cause more pain and suffering. See if you can let go of judgments about how things should be and focus on the things you love about your current situation. How can you embrace who you are and how things are right now?
  • Focus on what you CAN do – Feel the sadness for what has been lost. Go into it and feel it, express it. Then think about all of the things you can do, rather than focusing on the things you can’t do.

I love myself no matter what.

Even if I’m scared, I love myself.

I am always grateful for my life, no matter what.

My spirit is youthful

My outlook on life is always vibrant.

I love life and life loves me.

David’s Special Resources and Events

  • Event: Grieving to Believing – July 15 and 16, 2016 in Marina Del Rey, CA: David will be speaking with James Van Praagh.

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Dondi Dahlin PortraitTune in Next Week

Tune in next week to Loving Yourself to Great Health, Dondi Dahlin will be joining me to talk about why people behave the way they do. We’re going to dive into the ancient system of Chinese medicine and reveal why people are the way they are. We’ll discover how to better understand ourselves and others.


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As a coach, writer and recovered former executive, I understand the challenges of creating a balanced, healthy lifestyle when over-scheduled. In my journey to radiant health, I created a whole health system of eating, exercise, renewal and recharging -- a roadmap toward health & vitality. I empower clients to create their own whole health systems, in their own unique ways. I have seen amazing results in working with my clients!