Hay House Radio Episode Recap
- Episode Name: “Toxic Relationships: How to Heal”
- Live Broadcast: September 26th, 2016 at 3:00 pm Pacific Time
Episode Replays: Mondays at 11:00 pm Pacific Time / 2:00 am Eastern Time and Sundays at 2:00 pm Pacific Time / 5:00 pm Eastern Time
Episode Summary Re-cap
Did you know that relationships actually change your brain and influence how you feel and heal? Find out how to use medical intuition to spot the signs and symptoms of toxic vs. healthy relationships. Learn tips to recover from toxic relationships and attract the loving relationships you desire.
Special Guest: Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz
Mona Lisa Schulz (Dr. Mona Lisa), is a medical intuitive. Dr. Schulz received her doctorates, an MD and a PhD (Behavioral Neuroscience) from Boston University’s School of Medicine in 1993.
In addition to her extensive background in health and brain research, Dr. Schulz has been a practicing medical intuitive since 1987. During a medical intuitive consultation, knowing only someone’s name and age, Mona Lisa discerns both a person’s physical condition and the emotional state of his or her life, explaining how the two are linked.
Dr. Schulz teaches us how to become aware of how our symptoms of illness are part of our intuition network, letting us know when something in our lives is out of balance.
During a medical intuitive consultation, there is no physician/patient relationship, nor is any psychotherapy being performed. Mona Lisa will educate you in how specific emotional situations in your life are associated with the increased risk of illness in a specific organ in your body. One of the many joys in Dr. Mona Lisa’s life is teaching individuals how to acknowledge, trust, and develop their intuitive skills.
How to Identify & Heal from Toxic Relationships
Red Flags of Narcissists or Toxic Relationships
Here are some common signs that may indicate you are in a toxic relationship:
- Constant contact – they may call and text a lot, so that they are constantly on your mind. They may also expect you to get back to them right away.
- You feel like something is “not right,” but you’re not sure why. You may even feel like you have to investigate them because something seems “off.”
- They start out seeming like they are your soulmate, then they change and you can’t figure out how to get back to that “soulmate” stage. They may over-share personal information in the beginning or say they have similar past traumas, likes or dislikes as a way to bond with you (leaves you thinking, “we have so much in common!”).
- Share past traumas or sad stories, with the differentiator being that you feel you want to help or take care of them, even at the expense of yourself.
- They love-bomb you, then find fault with you – come on really strong with loving actions and words, then they turn on you, often making you feel bad for the very things they claimed they loved about you. This unpredictable behavior sets up an addictive response in the brain.
- Intermittent reinforcement (similar to love bombing) – they reward you sometimes and then not others. This lack of predictability can create a desire to get “rewarded” with love or approval that only comes sometimes, making you work harder to get more. This is another area where addiction comes in.
- You find you are always doing things for them. Everything is fine until you say you can’t do something for them, then they get angry or upset as if you are not allowed to take care of your needsEverything is your fault (they blame you all the time, never accept responsibility for their actions, may use past trauma as an excuse or claim they feel sick when you want to address something with them).
- Twist things around until you feel like you no longer trust your memory or your perception. This is “gaslighting” and creates anxiety, self-doubt, and confusion.
- May seem very spiritual or loved by the community, but present a different picture to you. Yoga centers and spiritual communities are supposed to be places of healing, but remember that these red flags can apply to anyone.
- You begin to feel sick. It may start with a gut feeling, feeling off and progress. Weight gain is not uncommon. Hormone imbalances, adrenal fatigue, anxiety and depression are common. Feeling depleted, scared and unsafe are common as well. Typically, the symptoms will show up based on a chakra that needs more support (e.g., gut issues = third chakra, hormone issues = second chakra, bones/skin/joints/autoimmune = first chakra).
- Smear campaigns – they often will run around telling people negative things about you. This often happens when you don’t do something for them or when they think you have figured them our or are about to leave them. It’s meant to discredit you. This is especially difficult for people with 3rd chakra issues, but it’s meant to teach you to cultivate faith. Have faith that the truth will win out. When they do this, they often take a grain of truth and invent a completely different context to make you look bad.
- Verbally abusive – they say things to make you feel like you’re not good enough. Sometimes it’s so subtle that it’s like death by 1,000 paper cuts.
- Passive aggressive – for example, they may take something important to you and ruin it, feigning innocence by blaming you for putting it in the wrong place.
- Overstate their expertise or experience.
- Isolation – beware of a relationship where your support system starts going away, either through their manipulation or seemingly innocent circumstances. Leaving a job, losing touch with family members or friends (or being told you’re better off without them). If you start looking around and seeing that you have no more support this is ripping your first chakra – safety, family, security — out of your life. This is one of the first areas where you start to feel unsafe and alone. It may feel like this person meets all your needs, but that is only temporary. We all need supportive people, regardless of our relationship status.
- May be unemployed, underemployed or have financial problems. Many times, they will look to you for financial and other resources.
How the Body, Mind and Spirit Processes Toxic Relationships
Our body processes and releases various chemicals or byproducts of biochemistry we no longer need. The word is “release.” When we have an emotion, it’s the same thing. We are meant to process (name it) and release it.
If you hold on to things instead of releasing things: things move in, but they can’t move out. Some symptoms could be:
- Urine retention
- Sleep apnea
- Lack of sweating
- Brain fog, thought block
- Emotional constipation
When you block the ability of things to move in and release, creating change, you can have a buildup in toxins.
The same is true in relationships – if we don’t name the emotion, respond effectively and release it (if we can’t let emotions and intuition come in and release), we get buildups. Buildups can happen, whether it’s in the bowel, bladder, gastrointestinal tract, urinary tract, respiration, etc. This can cause a buildup of toxins. If you always think the buildup is outside of your control (outside of you), you are never in a place of power. What if you were to put yourself back in the position of power?
Some Examples of Relationships Where We Can Have Challenges
- Family (first chakra)
- Relationships, marriage (second chakra)
- Work (third chakra)
- Children (fourth chakra)
So to Invite Your Strength and Power Back
- What am in bringing in?
- What am I holding onto?
- What am I not willing to release?
Your body is always giving you messages. Symptoms, whether emotional or physical, are those messages. We often try to suppress symptoms, but what if you knew that they were intuitive messages? Your intuition speaking to you?
Here Are Two Cases In Which Your PERCEPTION of Your Safety in Relationships Can Make Them Feel Toxic
- First Chakra – relates to your safety and security. If you have the perception that the world and families aren’t safe and secure, your immune system will be hypervigilant and dump toxins. In other words, your body acts toxic. This is what happens with autoimmune issues or symptoms related to bones, skin, joints, blood and your immune system.
- Second Chakra – relates to love relationships and boundaries. If you don’t develop healthy boundaries between yourself and your loved one, you may constantly feel the emotions of the person you are with. When they feel fear, you feel fear. If they get angry, you feel anxious. These permeable emotions also cause your body to release toxins. Sometimes you have to handle other people’s emotions with care. If you pick up someone else’s pain, it can cause adrenal and hormonal issues. Instead, the goal is to be with someone, without taking in and processing their toxins.
Toxic People May Show Up in Personal or Work Relationships
- Third Chakra – The more trauma you have, the more circuits reverberate when someone else has pain. If you have low self-esteem, you may be attracted to people with high self-esteem. In other words, you may attract someone who is narcissistic. You give, give, give and they take, take, take. You wonder why they can’t be more sensitive. Eventually, you aren’t feeling well and their nature becomes toxic. If you are a gut-intuitive, your stomach or gastrointestinal tract will experience the system.
- Feeling Addicted – In a case where self-esteem is low and you are attracted to a narcissist, you will likely get opiates that cover the pain of self-doubt and other brain chemicals that are highly addictive. This is how people get addicted or stuck in a narcissistic relationship.
- Feeling Stuck – Whether in a work or personal relationship, we may feel stuck for a variety of reasons. One is that we may feel like we need to stay because of money or out of fear that we’ll lose something that keeps us safe. We may fear losing children, financial resources or our reputation.
- The Antidote is Faith – When you stay in a toxic relationship for safety reasons, it only creates more physical and emotional symptoms. If we shift into a place of faith, we can begin to take steps to heal and leave the relationship. If it’s a job, consider talking to a human resources representative you can trust or interview for other jobs within or outside the company. If it’s a marriage or love relationship, begin to build a support network and gather resources (or find support services) to help you leave. More than anything else, trust that everything will be okay. Most people who have been through the trauma of a toxic relationship feel that they eventually get back on their feet and many feel stronger than ever.
- Get Support – there are some really excellent groups online that can help provide confidential support and point you to helpful resources. Check out SwanWaters.com online and on Facebook. Ask for a referral to a therapist who has expertise with helping people recover from toxic relationships or narcissistic abuse. Dr. Mona Lisa likes Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which is very helpful and not just for people with borderline personality disorder. Dr. Mona Lisa’s new book with Louise Hay, Heal Your Mind, is also an excellent resource to heal body, mind, and spirit.
- Spiritual Awakening & Spiritual Immunity – Here’s an important reframe: often, pathogens show up in the body for a protective reason. Bacteria show up to protect us from the heavy metal, aluminum. Candida shows up to protect us from the heavy metal, mercury. Studies are showing that some viruses we thought were “bad,” actually have a protective effect. What if toxic people (pathogenic people!) showed up to help us shine the light on an area within us that needs to grow? What if you knew you’d experience a whole new level of self-esteem and self-worth? What if you learned how to set boundaries and not take on other people’s emotions? What if you found out you had an important purpose in life that you would not have pursued otherwise because you were so busy playing it safe?
It’s very possible that toxic people are not “scary,” but they are pointing us in the direction of developing deep faith, profound growth and getting out of our comfort zones so we can do what we came here to do.
This is the message! We deserve to have supportive, kind, equal giving and receiving friendships and relationships. When we realize that we are always safe, we can approach life with a whole new physical and spiritual immunity.
Theme Song – Pick a Theme Song to Help You Build Strength!
Here are some that our clients have used:
Nutritional to Support To Help Heal Your 7 Emotional Centers (Chakras)
In part 2 of Toxic Relationships, How to Heal (coming to you on Hay House Radio on October 10th at 3:00 pm Pacific Time / 6:00 pm Eastern Time), Dr. Mona Lisa and I will cover additional solutions, including how to heal vitamin and mineral depletions that typically occur when dealing with toxic relationships.
For now, here are some of the most balancing recipes you can use to begin to heal body, mind and spirit. Let your food be your medicine! Healing your body can strengthen your physical immunity, which supports and shores up your spiritual immunity.
First Chakra: Get Grounded, Feel Safe
- 2 Scoops Collagen Peptides in water, soup or a smoothie.
Second Chakra: Balance Hormones
Third Chakra: Heal Your Gut
Fourth Chakra: Practice Self-Love
Fifth Chakra: Honor Your Voice
Sixth Chakra: Balance Moods
- Grassfed meat or pasture fed poultry
- Get your mineral levels tested to see if you have a copper/zinc imbalance or copper toxicity. You can get an HTMA (Hair Tissue Mineral Analysis) through the mail, along with a phone consult.
Support Your 7th Chakra: Restore Your Faith
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Tune in Next Week
Tune in next week to Loving Yourself to Great Health, Corinne Bush of the American Nutrition Association joins me to talk about toxins. Discover how to minimize toxins and a step-by-step approach to detoxing your body and mind naturally.
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